The Cycle of Addiction
Alcoholics hide bottles around the house. Overeaters stash wrappers. Gamblers open anonymous post office boxes. Porn surfers use advanced technology to cover their tracks. Women take the trash to community dumpsters - in another community - so the neighbors won't see what's going on. Mothers support adult children in ways they know they shouldn't, then swear their child to secrecy.
Why do we do that? It feels like self-preservation, doesn't it? But really, it's impression management. We want to enjoy a reputation that, in our hearts, we know we don't deserve. We want things to look different than they really are. We're keeping secrets.
The longer we do that, the more isolated we become. More and more, we give our time, money and attention to a pathological relationship with a mood-altering substance, event, or thing. A key word here is the pathological (almost neurotic) drive to plan, plot, find, and acquire the next 'fix'. It is impulsive, obsessive, and compulsive.
What that means is we might be going along in our life, managing just fine, and all at once a stray thought comes into our mind. We push it away, but it comes back. That's the impulsive part. Pretty soon, we begin to entertain the thought and before long we can't think about anything else. An obsession is born as we plan how, when, where, and with whom to indulge our excessive appetites.
When we act on it, no matter how many good reason we have not to, the addiction takes control and we have lost our power of choice. We can't stop once we start.
I had a sign once that read, "Happiness is: having someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." By the time addiction takes hold in a family, we don't feel connected to others and love is just a word. The daily grind of life is at least disappointing if not overwhelming, and we have lost hope that our lives are ever really going to change. So we turn to the one thing that has proven itself faithful over the years to take us out of this painful awareness.
Addiction breeds isolation, and it becomes a vicious cycle. The more we turn away from people and toward our drugs-of-choice, the more isolated we become. The lonelier we feel, the more comfort we need, and the more we act out. First, the people we love step in to help and mind our business. After awhile, they step back and leave us alone.
Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my secrets. Alone with my addiction. This is what I said I wanted. So why am I so miserable? And we use something - or someone - to fill the void.
Then the cycle repeats.
Why do we do that? It feels like self-preservation, doesn't it? But really, it's impression management. We want to enjoy a reputation that, in our hearts, we know we don't deserve. We want things to look different than they really are. We're keeping secrets.
The longer we do that, the more isolated we become. More and more, we give our time, money and attention to a pathological relationship with a mood-altering substance, event, or thing. A key word here is the pathological (almost neurotic) drive to plan, plot, find, and acquire the next 'fix'. It is impulsive, obsessive, and compulsive.
What that means is we might be going along in our life, managing just fine, and all at once a stray thought comes into our mind. We push it away, but it comes back. That's the impulsive part. Pretty soon, we begin to entertain the thought and before long we can't think about anything else. An obsession is born as we plan how, when, where, and with whom to indulge our excessive appetites.
When we act on it, no matter how many good reason we have not to, the addiction takes control and we have lost our power of choice. We can't stop once we start.
I had a sign once that read, "Happiness is: having someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." By the time addiction takes hold in a family, we don't feel connected to others and love is just a word. The daily grind of life is at least disappointing if not overwhelming, and we have lost hope that our lives are ever really going to change. So we turn to the one thing that has proven itself faithful over the years to take us out of this painful awareness.
Addiction breeds isolation, and it becomes a vicious cycle. The more we turn away from people and toward our drugs-of-choice, the more isolated we become. The lonelier we feel, the more comfort we need, and the more we act out. First, the people we love step in to help and mind our business. After awhile, they step back and leave us alone.
Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my secrets. Alone with my addiction. This is what I said I wanted. So why am I so miserable? And we use something - or someone - to fill the void.
Then the cycle repeats.
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